


In a Blue Moon

by penscritch



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 21:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3664857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penscritch/pseuds/penscritch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The final battle against Zeref and E.N.D. is strangely anticlimactic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In a Blue Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this came from.

“Wait, so I’m E.N.D.?!!” Natsu yells, looking equal parts horrified and confused. “But my dad was Igneel!”  
Zeref chuckles. “I told you that E.N.D. was something that Igneel _could not kill_. I imagine he found it against his morals to destroy a child, E.N.D.: Etherious Natsu Dragneel.”

Natsu looks angry and pained, Lucy hovering concernedly nearby.

Despite being the greatest dark mage in the world and immortal to boot, Zeref’s smile is gentle and kind. He spreads his arms wide, tattered sleeves swaying in the wind.

“Kill me, Natsu. My life has gone on long enough.”

Gray’s frowning when he speaks. “E.N.D.’s supposed to be unbeatable, right?”

“He must be, if he is to be the one to kill me,” affirms Zeref. Something in his air suggests that that’s an incredibly stupid question, but he’ll be lenient enough to allow it.

“Then it’s not him.”

“… What?”

“Do you know how many fights I get into with that flame idiot over there? I’ve lost track how many times either one of us won or got a draw. He’s not unbeatable.”

“Huh,” agrees E.N.D.: Etherious Natsu Dragneel. “I forgot. And Erza and Gildartz beat me up all the time too.”

“Don’t forget Lucy.”

“Yeah. Lucy hits really hard.”  
“That’s because you eat everything in the fridge, you idiot!” yells Lucy, momentarily forgetting her terror and worry over the more immediate demand of taking Natsu to task. “And you barge into my apartment all the time and you break things. I have bills to pay, you know!”

“Hey, I do missions with you!” retorts Natsu indignantly, rubbing his head where he’d gotten smacked again.

“How many do you get done with me on time? I had to talk with my landlady and she was this close to evicting me almost every freaking month. Do you know how nerve-wracking that is?!”

“… are you married?”

“No!!” both of them glare, heads turning eerily in synch.

“… Well. Please let me know if you have any unbeatable sons or daughters who will kill me will you?” Zeref says, but no one hears over the furiously arguing couple and he leaves for Mavis’s grave, where he can sit down and pour out his woes to a sympathetic audience. He can’t see her, but he has a feeling she knows how he feels.

Even if she doesn’t feel bad for him, she deserves to listen to his whinging at least. These are her kids giving him grief after all.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the saying "once in a blue moon," indicating how unlikely something is.


End file.
